Heloíza Montenegro Barbosa, 19 anos de idade, estudante. Minha vida pode ser quase toda guardada em uma caixinha de biscoitos franceses ou retratada em uma música do pearl jam. Aquariana, formada de mil metades: a metade estudiosa, a metade preguiçosa. A metade moderna, tecnologica, outra metade retrô, clássica. A metade tagarela, a metade quieta. A metade forte, a metade sensível. Amo ornitorrincos, cavaleiros do zodiaco, hayao miyazaki, jane austen, dvd's, livros antigos, bichos de pelúcia, edredons, caveiras, cadernos e chocolate branco. E , se quiser mesmo saber, eu só sei ser feliz assim.

Ontem, aleatoriamente, me peguei contando minha própria história para as paredes do meu quarto. Contava com detalhes que eu mesma não sabia que lembrava. Aquelas paredes pareciam tão confortavéis. E fui contando a história enquanto tomava banho, enquanto me enxugava, me vestia, tirava os bichos de pelúcia na cama, ligava o ventilador, desligava a luz, deitava na cama, me cobria, abraçava a Babinha (que fez 13 anos ontem!).
Se eu começar a pensar, ontem foi um dia bom. Muito bom.
Fazia milênios que eu não nadava. Quando o Daniel chamou, no primeiro momento, eu não quis. Na minha mente, eu continuava sem gostar daquilo tudo. Mas, 'namorar' requer um pouco de sacrificiozinhos. E, levando Ísis na bagagem, fui.
Depois de indas, vindas, pé esquentando, dialogos macabeicos com Toninho, armários e corre-corre, eu pulei na primeira piscina (e ganhei um arranhão no joelho). E me senti bem. Ótima. Senti como se todas as coisas que eu gostava e passei a odiar, eu podia gostar de novo. Eu podia sentir aquela alegria infantil, aquela empolgação e a vontade de me sentir parte da natureza, apenas por estar em uma piscina.
Mais tarde, nadando, ouvi uma música do Skank, uma versão de 'I want you', do Bob Dylan. E olhei pra frente e vi a primeira pessoa que eu lembro quando ouço essa música. Pensei em dizer: 'essa música me lembra você' (a do Dylan, quero dizer). Mas a frase ficou apenas na minha cabeça. A única coisa que saiu foi um sorriso. E outro sorriso em resposta. E um beijo.

Mas o fato é que eu acho que as paredes do meu quarto (que, futuramente, vão mudar de cor) me entendem muito, muito bem.



'Que a vida humana é apenas um sonho outros já disseram, mas também a mim esta idéia persegue por toda a parte. Quando penso nos limites que circunscrevem as ativas e investigativas faculdades humanas; quando vejo que esgotamos todas as nossas forças em satisfazer nossas necessidades, que apenas tendem a prolongar uma existência miserável; quando constato que a tranquilidade a respeito de certas questões não passa de uma resignação sonhadora, como se a gente tivesse pintado as paredes entre as quais jazemos presos com feições coloridas e perspectivas risonhas ─ tudo isso, Guilherme, me deixa mudo. Meto-me dentro de mim mesmo e acho aí um mundo! Mas antes em pressentimentos e obscuros desejos que em realidade e ações vivas. E então tudo paira a minha volta, sorrio e sigo a sonhar, penetrando adante no universo.'

J. W. Goethe in Os sofrimentos do jovem Werther



Eu ando com muito sono.



Vegas Skies

Thank you so much for the great reactions and responses I got for last week’s song blog about Take My Hand. You have no idea how much it means that you care about the music and words that I write. It’s why I do what I do. I don’t do this to party and I don’t do it to be a “rockstar.” To be honest..I don’t even care if I ever become famous. I just want my songs to be famous. I could careless if people know what I look like or who I am..as long as my songs get to as many ears as they possibly can, I’m happy. They’re like my little babies. Little pieces of me. On that note… I’d like to introduce to you one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written. It is by far my most personal song..and the lyrics are all extremely true and specific.

It seems like a lot of people in bands keep their personal lives to themselves. A lot of them don’t talk about or try to hide their true feelings, their love life, etc. I definetly respect that, but at the same time…you guys aren’t just “fans.” You guys are apart of me. You are my friends, and many of you have become family. You put food on my plate, wind in my sails, and love in my heart. So I decided I was going to be as honest with you as possible..so you guys know the REAL ME. Not the Me that the label or record execs want you to see. I won’t ever lie and pretend to be someone I’m not…I owe that to you guys and to the people I love.

Vegas skies is about a beautiful young girl named Logan Elizabeth.

I was in high school, and being the spontaneous little kid that I was, me and my buddy Matt decided to leave town. So we packed our bags and headed to Laguna. I know most of you probably associate Laguna Beach with the reality show with the over dramatic girls arguing over who kissed who and who’s nails were what color and when they were done. But to be honest..I find that painfully sad. Laguna is an incredibly beautiful little beach town; filled with character, history, and fun. Just when I thought the little beach town couldn’t be anymore beautiful…I met Logan. She was amazing. Amazing smile. Turquiose eyes. A laugh more memorable than any song I had ever heard. But there was a problem…she was with another guy. We talked..and I knew immediately that she was one of a kind. It broke my heart that she was taken…but I respected it and a few days later I left Laguna…with nothing but the memory of her. I never forgot about that smile. Not once.

When we talked in Laguna..she would tell me about how unhappy she was with everything. Her life..the cruel, pompous guy she was with, and may other things. I wanted to save her. I wanted to be there for her. My heart was broken into a million pieces when I found out she couldn’t be mine. But I stayed strong and never forgot about her. This girl made me laugh, smile, and smile some more. I felt like I was a better person having met her and spent a few days with her. Logan was my miracle, and I was determined to wait as long as it took, forever if I had to, to call her mine.

When things get hard for me…I write songs. This time was no different. I wrote the chorus first… I told myself that I would wait forever for her. I would wait until it was our time to be together…and I did wait. For a few years. That’s what the lyrics “I’ve only got forever and forever is fine.”

When you’re in love… Forever is nothing. To wait forever for love is no time at all..because when it finally does come, it is met with the most breathtaking feeling imaginable. If you haven’t felt what love and to be loved feels like..then you’re missing out on the best this world has to offer. So the words “I’ve only got forever, and forever is fine. Just take your time” were just saying that I would wait as long as it took to be with her. You can’t give up on love, because I promise love will never give up on you. It didn’t give up on me…

Years later I saw her again, and this time..we weren’t going to leave each other’s side. From there it was history. Waiting for love, had paid off and it made me the happiest boy in the entire world.

My favorite line is “You stole my eyes and I’ve never looked back.” I think it captures how I felt in a perfect and honest manner. Because it is the truth..I haven’t looked back since the day I met her. “When we’re this young, we have nothing to lose..” is another line that means a lot to me. You can’t pass up oppurtunities when it comes to love, because you’ll regret it for the rest of you life. I have made many mistakes..but I learn from them and grow from them.

The bottom line of this song is that love is real. Everybody has the right to love and be loved. It IS possible to find true love and it IS possible to feel like a prince, or a princess. Afterall, she is mine. We live in a world where a lot of things go wrong…but where even more things go right. For every heart that breaks, two hearts are planted and waiting to find the sunlight and the water to grow. When things get down…keep your head up. I truly do believe in the fact that good things come to those who wait and are patient. I had to wait a very long time..but my world finally came to me and came together in the form of a single beautiful girl named Logan. I truly don’t know where or who I’d be without her.

Vegas Skies is simple. It’s a story of true love and patience. I know things get hard..and a lot of times it feels like the world is crashing down on you..but you need to reach down and pick up those pieces, grab some glue and put it back together. We determine our own destiny. Love came to me in the form of a lovely young lady named Logan…who knows in what form it will come to you in. Love me. Love yourself. Love those around you. It’s a lot easier to love that way. It is true that it takes many more muscles to frown than it does to smile. Don’t be afraid of falling in love. Don’t be afraid of love falling into you. But afraid of it NOT. Remember…it may take what seems like forever…but for love…

Forever is fine.

-Alexander Michael